It's True

I'm just going to go right out there and say it.
I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU PASSING JUDGEMENT...but, yes.

I have been hibernating.

I know. You know me. And I know you're thinking to yourself, "Oh but he's a panda....pandas don't hibernate. Oh, but I swear if he were a brown bear, now...."

Well! You can just stop thinking that because pandas DO hibernate. There are different forms of hibernation. Like constant relaxation...Oh, I know what you're thinking now..."by constant relaxation does he mean laziness?"

Well by laziness do I mean I was in a coma?
Absolutely not!

Constant relaxation is precisely what it was. It was absolutely vital for my poor little panda eyes to take a break from the computer screen. I am recovering from college.

Anyways now I'm back.

Well folks, I apologize. I really do apologize. I just said a whole lot of nothing up there. And I don't have a picture for today.

Well, fine. Here. A self-portrait I made last year. On academic parchment.

Re: Whatchu Talkin' 'bout Willis?!

I recently received a message asking me how I could spend my entire life simply sleeping.

Well, let me tell you Mr.Muffin Man! There's no such thing as "simply" sleeping.

Finding your optimal sleeping position is a great challenge. I repeat. This is no easy feat.
Hehe, that rhymes!

I think it's important to note here how well I match the bedding.
Yes, I manage to be fashionable even while I sleep.

Anyways, no one just "flops" onto their bed. In this day and age, we're all insomniacs.

And at the end of the day, your best bed may sometimes be the one right next to it.

The floor.

Here's to a new week filled with sleep! 

Aaaaaaaaaaand hello.

After much confusion and chaos about my whereabouts, I decided the most responsible thing to do is to at least address the public.

Some of you thought I was dead.
Many of you thought I ran away to an Amish community living near the world's largest ball of twine.
Most of you thought I was attacked by Gypsies who used black magic to turn me into this purple monkey shown here:

The reality of the situation is:
The college girl is no longer a college girl (for now). She has some sort of working arrangement, and so I will hereon refer to her as "the girl" (without the quotation marks).

As for me (most importantly), I have been placed to sleep in a rather large bed, and wander through a rather large dwelling. Yes, this is the same location in which I spent my spring break. Essentially, I am devising a plan to unlock the secrets of this new "home"....I will not be caught unprepared in case the parents of the girl decide that she is no longer worthy of this vast, and severely comfortable bed.

HAVE I BEEN SKEPTICAL FOR THE PAST MONTH?
.....mildly. But I am cute, and so if anything, I think, I (Miso the immortal panda), will be allowed permanent residency.

What do you mean we weren't "just playing" cardboard houses?

Someone is taking my bed?

I'm going where??

You mean we're NOT moving to a box in the living room??

....the college girl got a what???

But happy bunny said....

Cardboard Box: The Home Edition

I'm in a box! Ooooooooooooh! Am I totally scary right now? Can I successfully scare the pants off a cat?

Do you think I'm random?

Well maybe YOU try living in this thing.

Yes. I'm STILL trying to get comfortable here!

And despite what she says, I have sooo NOT been sleeping on a big comfy bed...definitely sleeping in the box. 

Yup......in the box...all day and all night...reading and stuff......practicing my "struggling panda fresh out of college" gig.......gearing up for the real world...that's me!

Oh! Well hello there!

Just little responsible me......becoming friends...with the box. 

The Box: Day 2

In the midst of this new living situation, I have decided to review some basic economics.

Apparently, if I find an ocean of money I can be gangster and acquire a funny little hat. 

Grandmother always did say that the funny little hat is key to your social status. 

Then again, Grandmother was British. 

Oh the subtleties of the rich and the sophisticated....the college girl may never come to know. 

The box. Has arrived.

I woke up this evening to a cardboard box in my living room. It just sat there...ugly...cardboardy...staring at me.

I immediately knew what this meant....

...time to start getting comfortable.

So what's the prospective jail time for cute little pandas that rob banks? Keep in mind the key words here...CUTE and PANDA.

Just sayin'.....

Severe heat is wretched when wearing panda fur!!!

Step 1: Locate fan. Yippeee!

Step 2: Bring fan as close as possible to face.

Step 3: MUST. FIND. AC.

I am Miso. The panda scholar.

I've been very busy the past 2 weeks - obviously my many, and I mean MANY followers out there have noticed. Anyways, it appears that we have graduated. See photo below:

This is my "thinking" face. 

I appear very regal and what not.

I have also learned everything one may need to know about the "real world" with the help of happy bunny (who for some reason doesn't capitalize his name). Typical hipster.

Primary educational points:
1. There is no such thing as a supermodel genius. <-- I would call this mother nature's "trade-off" rule.
2. Dumb people exist to bring humor and light into our dark and vacant lives.
3. If someone is giving you grief, you must hire a bear to eat them. Especially if it's a demanding chicken from your grandmother's farm.

My whole life, all I ever wanted was some cake...

Yesterday, around 11p.m, when the midnight crunchies overtook my small stature, I yelled, "I want dessert!".

Then I made the college girl go out and buy me some.

It was pretty good....raspberry coffee cake...

I even had a hard time sleeping because I was so excited to eat cake for breakfast....

This photo is a reenactment of the crime scene

....until I woke up this morning...AND IT WAS GONE.

ALL GONE.

This photo is not a reenactment of the crime scene

OH, this is not over!  

The world is ending! The world is ending!

NOT.

Actually maybe all the crazy people will go to heaven and everything will be great!

Why am I in a drawer?
Because it's fun.

A book that speaks to you and for you.

I was peacefully having SSR today when this ridiculous looking miniature dog-zebra came up to me and wouldn't stop staring...

BUT I was reading my favorite book (I read it once a week) so I couldn't be bothered.

What do you think?

If you chose "C" I can possibly consider you a decent acquaintance. 

If you chose "B" on the other hand, you are a really really really

boring but possibly happy individual. 

Once upon a time there was a jerk chicken who was mean to happy bunny. The jerk chicken went around kicking kittens and baby anteaters...according to happy bunny "there's no befriending a jerk like that."

Savage! I wonder if Grandmother was anything like this.

I personally choose to push mean people off their chairs but I don't oppose to hiring one of those uncivilized bears....

Thanks Jim Benton. 

Hear ye, hear ye!

I got my mind on my wine and my wind on my mine! What does it take to get a glass around here??

It is not 2 o'clock. It is clearly 11 p.m.
In France.
I'll just pour myself the sliiightest bit.....

...let's not kid ourselves now. My life is VERY exciting. Up next: Miso does a headstand.

When you fail to open your wine bottle, take a
model picture with it instead!

GAH!

Apparently the college girl is graduating....and I don't think we have any money. I may also have to change my byline to "sleeping in a cardboard box".

If no one is ever going to hire her, I better start looking for loose change...maybe her parents will take me in...

...I'M TOO DELICATE TO LIVE OUTSIDE!!!!

I go outside! I make pictures in the clouds! I like flowers! There's an ant!

Today I decided to venture out. First I found some flowers to put in my fur because everyone else is getting dolled up for Spring. Then I sat in the grass. I saw 3 ants and a lady bug that was not very cute. It was kind of ugly, but I did not smoooosh it. 

Oh look....

So much for going on an "adventure" this "spring break"......so instead, I've decided to get into character for a play. I'm going to write about an English panda who wears a cowboy hat. I might as well use my talents while I'm waiting for the rain to never stop.

Mr. Fiddlestumps: "I'm no fool! You're a fool! This hat is worth faaaa mohr than Francine's rambunctious hamster!"

No, I'm not typing with my foot!

This is me typing when I'm angry:

adgadsghdsfhasglkkgljlkgkjlvbvmvcnbyuoiuyioyiorkhkjgjhkgkhg

This is me typing (note the legitimate spaces in between words):

asfdhshagsfdh ghkjkjgjhgkgh itoytuyityrutoriu lkhjljhll;kmlh

This is me typing a word in 8 seconds:

shoelace

Moral of this story:
You should feel bad about yourself because you don't need a keyboard the size of your grandmother's boat....

ANGRY. PAW. TO. KEYBOARD. <-- 22 seconds of my life

Research.

So naturally, one may ask, how many other blogging pandas are out there?

Judging by this convoluted search, obviously just one.

Did someone just yell "ignorance is an ego booster"?

Rain is bad for panda fur.

The rain has no pity. It's going to badger us for the rest of the week and probably forever. Don't even bother asking it to go away...because if it's not going to listen to me, it's certainly not going to listen to you.

Woe is me!
So much for coming out of hibernation....anyone else notice how much work it takes to see out of these windows? 

THANKS A LOT! Daylight Savings.....

Hey! Look! You can see my tail when I sleep!

I was so proud of myself for waking up before noon today....so what, I'm a heavy sleeper. The point is, I was being responsible here! But then I opened up my owner's computer to tamper with her facebook and saw it was actually 1 o'clock!! I've been sideswiped by the Aztec calendar!...or whatever it is that forces us to spring forward. I was totally going to read The Molecular Biology of the Gene today...but forget that! I hate everything. I'm going back to sleep.

Hi. I'm Miso. I do what I want.

Dear world,

 My name is Miso. I'm a 2 year old panda who was born in China and promptly after birth was moved to the animal isle in a Toys R Us somewhere in California. Anyways, I just want to start by clearing the air.

1. The title "stuffed animal" is derogatory and an attack on my character and self worth. How would you like it if I called you a stuffed human?
2. "Pillow pet" is no less offensive. I do the sleeping. No one sleeps on me. I have feelings.
3. I live with a crazy twenty something year-old college girl. I am basically an expert when it comes to deciphering the girl brain.
4. I don't care to decipher the girl brain.
5. I guess you could say I'm a college student. I sleep all the time. And I do what I want.
6. You may think to yourself: nothing is immortal. WRONG. I'm infinitely cute and will live forever unless the Earth explodes. Then you, myself, and I will all be gone...which will be sad because I'll miss my comfy bed :-(